Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
