roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize