You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
