what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize