i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
