he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
