her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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