There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
