i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
