chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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