I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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