woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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