If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
