I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
