He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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