Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
