Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
