My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize