how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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