playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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