wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize