He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
