kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
