i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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