It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
