I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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