I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
