just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
