omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
