Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
