Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..

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(518): View more from New York

i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.

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(858): View more from California

So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?

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(630): View more from Illinois

Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.

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(519): View more from Ontario

After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.

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(512): View more from Texas

You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick

(305): View more from Florida

I am very proud of your internet skills

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(602): View more from Arizona

I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...

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(630): View more from Illinois

Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.

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(206): View more from Washington

That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.

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