A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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