i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm passing your future prison.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
