Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
