K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
