Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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