i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
