For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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