it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
