So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
