i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
