It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
