you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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