who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
