When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
