If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize