Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
