I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
