Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
