false alarm. still invincible.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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