I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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