Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
