is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
