***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
