where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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