RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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