I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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