similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
