Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
