please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
