my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
