So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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