now i know why i became what i already was.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
