Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
