hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
