I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize