K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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