he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
