Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
