Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
