life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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