Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
did you just send me my own nude
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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