My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
