I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
nutella sex= disaster
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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